Sun Tzu’s Art of Surviving the DMV

Sun Tzu’s Art of Surviving the DMV

There is no instance of a nation benefitting from prolonged warfare. But the Enemy known as the Department of Motor Vehicles thrives on eternal conflict.

It is most unfortunate that the DMV is of vital importance to the State, a matter of life and death, allowing citizens to utilize the roads, whether they be to safety or to ruin. Hence, compliance with driver’s license procurement, the payment of speeding tickets, and contesting parking violations is a subject of inquiry which can on no account be neglected.

But by no means is the DMV, namely its employees, to be confused with anything but an adversary forcing you to pay a reckless driving ticket.

To know your Enemy, you must become your Enemy. Think slowly, move slowly, embody tedium to within an inch of your life. That is the mindset of the DMV teller, which you must espouse.

You must be prepared, above all else, for a most epic waste of time in a waiting room designed to break you, wear you down, destroy your will. Patience is your greatest weapon.

If the mind is willing, the flesh could go on and on without many things — eight hours sans food provisions save for the expired granola bar in your backpack or a restroom without a working hand dryer.

To win one-hundred victories in one-hundred battles is not winning. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill. This, however, is an undertaking not for the faint of heart. To engage in one-hundred acts of aggression and feel superior when corresponding with a DMV employee is far simpler a feat than engaging in a peaceful verbal exchange.

However, when one treats people with benevolence, justice, and righteousness, and reposes confidence in them, the DMV employee will be happy to serve you. And if you can convince the Enemy that they will gain very little by attacking; this will diminish their enthusiasm to make the exchange a hellish one.

You will win if you can learn when to fight and when not to fight a speeding ticket.

[This writing reflects satirical edits to quotes from Sun Tzu’s ‘Art of War’]

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Sarah Sicard is a Senior Editor with Military Times. She previously served as the Digital Editor of Military Times and the Army Times Editor. Other work can be found at National Defense Magazine, Task & Purpose, and Defense News.



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About the Author

Tony Beasley
Tony Beasley writes for the Local News, US and the World Section of ANH.