More realistic military names for the Washington Football Team

First Lt. Kitty Terry, a nurse from the Hawaii Army National Guard's medical detachment, displays a prepared syringe filled with Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine on Oct. 1, 2021, at the Hawaii Army Readiness Center, Kalaeloa, Hawaii. (1st Lt. Anyah Peatross/Army National Guard)

The Washington Football Team, after 18 months without a mascot after the decision to do away with the “Redskins” moniker, has landed on “Commanders” as its new team name.


And while the country can sigh a collective breath of relief that the team is no longer going by an outdated and frankly racist slur, scores of fans are underwhelmed with the selection of Commanders. The military community, in particular, has some mild angst about the name, as it is virtually a meaningless catch-all term for any person “in charge.”

Here is a list, in no particular order, of military names that would be better suited to the seemingly perpetually unwinning Washington Football Team.

1. The Washington E-4 Mafia

2. The Washington Lieutenant Commanders

3. The Washington Commanders-in-Chief

4. The Washington Water Treatment Specialists

5. The Washington Command Sergeants Major

6. The Washington Top Level Security Clearances

7. The Washington Glow Belts

8. The Washington Vet-Bros Who Just Opened a Coffee Shop and Launched an Apparel Line

9. The Washington Toxic Leadership Climate

10. The Washington Article 15s

11. The Washington DD-214s

12. The Washington Barracks Bunnies

13. The Washington Duty

Alas, it appears we are stuck with the Navy’s mid-level officer designation. Maybe the real win here is the jokes that will be made for years to come.

Sarah Sicard is a Senior Editor with Military Times. She previously served as the Digital Editor of Military Times and the Army Times Editor. Other work can be found at National Defense Magazine, Task & Purpose, and Defense News.

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About the Author

Tony Beasley
Tony Beasley writes for the Local News, US and the World Section of ANH.